Unspeakable love, as our prime minister Alexander De Croo called it today at the memorial of the terror attacks in Brussels. “Unspeakable love and connection is the answer to terror and hate. “, he said. As I heard him saying this, I knew this was the word I had been searching for the whole weekend.
Unspeakable love is not only the answer to terror and hate. It’s what we need in every communication, whether it is in business, care, education or politics, whether you speak online or offline, whether you talk to one person or to millions. For me this is the secret ingredient to upgrade your communication and your presentation to an everlasting success.
During one of my trainings I encouraged a sales team to ‘love’ their customers. The teamleader suggested that it was not a good idea because it is not professional to mix professional and private contacts. That was not what I meant. You do not have to become best friends with your customers in order to be professional and sincere friendly and interested in them. The key is in sincerity.
As a tour guide in Antwerp, my customers were my best friends from the moment they booked a tour till the end of it. It meant that I always gave my best to help, entertain and show them around. I listened to their needs, was open and flexible to adjust the tour, even if we already ‘en route’. If a group was more interested in fashion, I would add a designer to the tour. If they loved churches, I would add an extra visit. The key is in the openness, interest and flexibility.
You may also call this unspeakable love, empathy, interest and openness for the person(s) you are talking too. Every successful communication and presentation starts with the ability to empathize with your audience. When you are open to listen to their needs and arguments, you can change every negotiation into a win-win-conversation. At the same time this openness and empathy will make you more productive, confident, flexibel and creative.
The more you want to control your communication, the less open and flexible you’ll get. Oh irony… Is that the opposite of what you have learned? In school you probably have learned to take control, to prepare for the best, to work towards an (one and only) outcome. You were trained to focus on finding arguments to motivate your solution. This is the cognitive way. Have you ever learned to observe, emphasize, listen or see in your communication? The connective way!
To focus only on the rational part of your communication will often cost you a lot of energy. You want your arguments to be heard and therefor you miss out on information of your audience (read: the connection). This could give you more stress or anxiety and less open, creative or flexible.
Remember that people always remember the feeling you gave them, more than the arguments.
How does empathy, sincerity, unspeakable love or openness sound?
Your voice sets the tone in every conversation, communication and presentation. Your voice is your brand, the soundbox of your inner voice. It reflects your thoughts, feelings and emotions. A voice that includes empathy and openness, will sound free.
Often I hear tired voices or voices under pressure (control). That is a logic result since our Western society and our communication is mainly build on knowledge and cognition. We have ‘forgotten’ to invest in the connection/ relationship part. Voices under pressure sound more high pitched and sharp. They are not labeled as ‘nice voices to listen to’.
If I ask people which voices they like, I hear ‘warm voices’, ‘deep resonance’, ‘calm voices’. I would translate this to voices that are free and resonant. The more you work on the resonance of your voice, the more free it will sound. The more free you will feel to express yourself in a way that reflects your authenticity and sincerity, the more connection you will make with your audience. One empowers the other and vice versa.
Does this mean that you can learn to emphasize and unspeakable love by working on your voice? I would say yes… on the condition that you are willing to listen and work on yourself.
So here is my call to bring more unspeakable love in your communication, in your voice and in your life. For this is the secret ingredient to connect with yourself and with your audience.
In my work I always listen to the person behind the voice, behind the words. For I believe we are all gifted. The moment the true voice is revealed is magic… Every time again! I can assure you a true voice never includes hate, stress or pressure.
Interested in more?
Yours sincerely, Katrien